We know so little of Starfield, only that it’s from Bethesda, involves stars and fields in some configuration, and that Microsoft and Xbox desperately need it to be a hit after Redfall’s pretty terrible launch. But now, thanks to a new ESRB description, we know… honestly, not that much more, but at least we now know there’s plenty of drugs, lots of blood, and possibly jetpack sex.
The ESRB summary starts with a description of who we’ll be playing as: “players assume the role of a miner tasked with finding Artifacts across the galaxy.” From the 15-minute gameplay showcase last year, we know these mysterious artifacts are a key plot point but still have no clues about what they are, what they do, or why they’re so important.
After that, the description lists a bunch of generic activities you can get up to and the weapons you can use. It’s all standard space opera RPG fare — guns, lasers, bombs, and curiously, axes.
Where the description gets spicy is all the drug and sex activities. Apparently, in Starfield, there’s a drug called aurora that players can steal, sell, take, and manufacture, with the description calling out a sequence in which players can work in an illicit drug lab a la Breaking Bad season 3. The description gets even funnier when calling out the sex references in the game. There’s “talk about seeing stars, whew… that was amazing” and “I’m all for getting a little wild, but next time let’s try it without the jetpacks” as well as my favorite line, which wouldn’t feel out of place if it were uttered at amateur night at the college poetry slam, “Life is a sexually transmitted disease that’s a hundred percent fatal.”
Hopefully, we’ll get more info on Starfield during its grand showcase on June 11th. It’s due out September 6th, and I’m going to be really miffed if jetpack sex isn’t actually a thing.